I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's great music for shaving your balls
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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