haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
