Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Randomize
