craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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