Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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