Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
