i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
