Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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