Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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