this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
