Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
