I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize