adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
