So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
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