now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
