So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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