do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
