Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How does one acquire holy water?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
