I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found your dick twin last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
