I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
