i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
