a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
