Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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