You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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