her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
