remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
no, he came in my armpit
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
