I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
