While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
