I don't think brook has ever known best
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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