i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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