That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
