hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
