It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize