Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
