Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
