Do you still have your period?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
