you traded sex for a burrito?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
