our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
