I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize