Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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