I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
