you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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