I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize