I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
