I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
