i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
