I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
