It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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