i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
