I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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