he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
