I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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