You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
