dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
