My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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