i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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