Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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