the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Who died my cat blue again?
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