I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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