But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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