gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize