dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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