My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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