Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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