Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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