just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
