I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
