i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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