I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
