4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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