Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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