I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
