After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
