dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
