I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
