the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
