i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
