the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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