Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
