Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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