i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
