There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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