I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
