Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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