I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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