just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
