marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
