Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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