I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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